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	<title>dwadmin | My Journey My Ride</title>
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	<description>Family, life, love, children, everyday living.</description>
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	<title>dwadmin | My Journey My Ride</title>
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	<item>
		<title>LOVE YOUR KIDS</title>
		<link>https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2020/02/26/love-your-kids/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[dwadmin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 26 Feb 2020 05:01:30 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Hardstuff]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/?p=153</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>I was reading an post on Facebook today that made me think some of my actions as a parent, I mean really think.  The post was about how a child sees things and interprets things from what we say to them or how we react to them.  And as I read through the story of [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2020/02/26/love-your-kids/">LOVE YOUR KIDS</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I was reading an post on Facebook today that made me think some of my actions as a parent, I mean really think.  The post was about how a child sees things and interprets things from what we say to them or how we react to them.  And as I read through the story of the little kid that just wanted to have some of his parents attention, I though to myself, holy hell I do that sort of thing all the time.  Not for the same reasons of course but I still push my kids to the side when I should not be.  Whether it be because I am to tired from working or just can&#8217;t be bothered, I still am guilty of not taking five minutes to talk to my kids about their day.  Don&#8217;t get me wrong I ask them about their day, &#8211; while we are driving home a whole five minutes of time, and then if it goes on for longer than that I shut it down.  Absolutely guilty of doing this and deep down at the time I know its terrible.  But I let it happen.</p>
<p>After reading this childs story and that at the end of the story the child ended their life as they felt they were not wanted around here.  I felt even more guilt &#8211; is this how my kids feel, do I make them feel unloved.  I hope not, I am going to work to make a change in my life so I take the time to talk with them, go to the beach with them and make them feel that although days are tough that I love them and am grateful they are here.</p>
<p>So take the time to hug your kids, ask them about their day and love them.  I spent a good couple of years trying to make a child who was being bullied and was suicidal forget those feelings, and yet on the other side of things I do not commit enough of my time them.  I make the excuse also that they are my second lot of children, I am raising them on my own and have to provide therefore it takes a toll on me.  Yet is that really the case or am I just not there, and can&#8217;t be bothered.  Well  I don&#8217;t want any of my children to be statistics so I will be making changes to their lives and even if I am cringing at having to take time away from my work I am going to do it.  Because really once they have that smile on their face it. makes it all worthwhile.  Again Love your kids, take time to hug them, and be close to them. Because you would never want to experience them not being here.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p><p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2020/02/26/love-your-kids/">LOVE YOUR KIDS</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>WHAT IS LONELINESS REALLY?</title>
		<link>https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2018/11/04/what-is-loneliness-really/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[dwadmin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 04 Nov 2018 04:31:26 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[The Hardstuff]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/?p=126</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>We all know I am a solo mum with 5 children and 5 grandchildren and this keeps me super busy, but one day sitting watching  my daughter making dinner she asked me, &#8220;mum don&#8217;t you get lonely?&#8217; I was very quick to jump back at this question and replied, &#8216;hardly when do I have a chance [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2018/11/04/what-is-loneliness-really/">WHAT IS LONELINESS REALLY?</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>We all know I am a solo mum with 5 children and 5 grandchildren and this keeps me super busy, but one day sitting watching  my daughter making dinner she asked me, &#8220;mum don&#8217;t you get lonely?&#8217; I was very quick to jump back at this question and replied, &#8216;hardly when do I have a chance to be lonely? As the words were coming out of my mouth I realised that, this was soooo not true, and that it doesn&#8217;t matter that you have people around you all the time.  That your job is busy and you are always amongst people and working not a single minute left in the day, because loneliness isn&#8217;t always about being with people.<br />
And this was what my daughter was getting at, because she knows how busy I am, and it left a barrage of questions in my head and over the next few weeks I analysed my life and everyday I silently considered those words in my head.  It has been a very busy few weeks with work and kids and school holidays, my business is going through some changes and I kept asking myself, are you really lonely?  I kept coming up with the same answer I believe I knew as soon as I had replied to her question some weeks before, and the answer was yes.  I was lonely, there were many times over the last few years that I have been lonely.  But there has always been someone that I have been able to touch base with, but for the last 10months I have blocked the ones that used to be, as it was ongoing with no future.  We all need that someone to share things with sometimes, that person that you go to the friends BBQ with, your plus one to the Xmas work function instead of always being the one who has the empty seat beside them.  <img loading="lazy" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-79 colorbox-126" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-301169-300x145.jpeg" alt="" width="300" height="145" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-301169-300x145.jpeg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-301169-768x371.jpeg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-301169-1024x494.jpeg 1024w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-301169.jpeg 1140w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><br />
I work I know to fill that gap, I work my butt off in every waking moment of the day, to fill the space and emptiness I feel, now that I have had it pointed out to me.  I would love that person to be present in my life, but they are just not about.  My life is full on from morning till night, and sometimes through the night when children are sick, or I am so stressed I can&#8217;t sleep.  So how is there a space for a some special even if I could find him.  There have been a couple of ones I have been sad got away, but I look back and know that I was not ready to give myself to someone, and if I am honest with myself I would say that still has not changed.  So herein is my problem- I am lonely and would love someone by my side, but I love being independent and am not sure I can compromise my time to accommodate their needs.  I like not having to answer to someone else, to check in with them to make sure I am not clashing our schedules.  Or to clear my work schedule to make time for someone else as well as trying to fit my kids in as well.  Which brings me to the next issue &#8211; my kids &#8211; they are at this time an absolute mess as kids, not through my bad parenting but because they have had shit starts in life, they have had hard times. I do work a lot but that is to provide for them as much as I can. <img loading="lazy" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-81 colorbox-126" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-89517-300x145.jpeg" alt="" width="300" height="145" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-89517-300x145.jpeg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-89517-768x371.jpeg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-89517-1024x494.jpeg 1024w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-89517.jpeg 1140w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><br />
So to me loneliness is having that special someone to share your time with, to enjoy those magic moments, to make Xmas day great and not where you are feeling you are the only one that does not have the complete family.  No matter how much work you are doing or how much family you have around you constantly, you can still be lonely in your own state, lonely in your mind.  Whilst you are enjoying your grandchild achieving a special moment or your child acheiving along term goal, and inside you are proud you helped to achieve that.  You can still be lonely.  But unless you are at the point where you want to do something to change that you will continue this feeling.  Or if you feel you want to stop feeling like this and move forward but don&#8217;t know how, then just relax, life has taught me that you need to relax and have faith.  Have faith that your path has been mapped and in time that right person will enter your life.  In my case I am sure that that person has not been presented to me because the timing is not right, and although it does not stop the loneliness on a Saturday night when all your friends are out or with the people, it does keep you good knowing that when your time is right it will happen.  The universe knows when it is right.  I am so lucky I have a job to keep me busy and great people that keep me focused and moving on in my life.  So take a moment to consider how much you have and why this time may not be right at this moment.  And know that it will come, in the meantime enjoy what is.</p><p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2018/11/04/what-is-loneliness-really/">WHAT IS LONELINESS REALLY?</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
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		<title>2018 GOALS !!! I AM LATE !!!</title>
		<link>https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2018/03/10/2018-goals-i-am-late/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[dwadmin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 10 Mar 2018 23:45:55 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/?p=105</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>So every single year without fail I do my list of goals for the year, it helps me to keep my focus on what I want to achieve throughout the year. I find if I don&#8217;t have goals and wish lists then I am not striving to be the best I can be. After last [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2018/03/10/2018-goals-i-am-late/">2018 GOALS !!! I AM LATE !!!</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: left;">So every single year without fail I do my list of goals for the year, it helps me to keep my focus on what I want to achieve throughout the year. I find if I don&#8217;t have goals and wish lists then I am not striving to be the best I can be. After last year I felt defeated</p>
<p><img loading="lazy" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-112 colorbox-105" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pexels-photo-279467-300x145.jpeg" alt="" width="300" height="145" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pexels-photo-279467-300x145.jpeg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pexels-photo-279467-768x371.jpeg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pexels-photo-279467-1024x494.jpeg 1024w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pexels-photo-279467.jpeg 1140w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />for a long time, and I think that has carried through to this year. But looking back I achieved my goals because they are there they are writ</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>ten down and once I looked over the list I had most definitely ach</p>
<p>ieved a lot of what I wanted.  To help  me do this, last</p>
<p>year I found my biggest aid &#8211; my vision board. I had been looking at them on Pinterest for a while and decided this is perfect for me to put my goals and passions on, and it was a winner.  As with the rest of my goals list for this year I have not updated my vision board either.  Bad bad move for me.<br />
My vision board was simple as I found it at Kmart,  I it by accident in the framing section it was a lovely frame with glass front and two strips of string where you could hang photos. For me it was for my pictures of goals. And then I decorated it just how I wanted. Show it was a reflection of me, and I love it, you can change the goals each year.<br />
My goals were achieved at the beginning of the my year last year, and then the rest went down hill, so I will begin again this year, well actually so far this year has been going f</p>
<figure id="attachment_111" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-111" style="width: 300px" class="wp-caption alignright"><img loading="lazy" class="size-medium wp-image-111 colorbox-105" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pexels-photo-416160-300x145.jpeg" alt="" width="300" height="145" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pexels-photo-416160-300x145.jpeg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pexels-photo-416160-768x371.jpeg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pexels-photo-416160-1024x494.jpeg 1024w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/pexels-photo-416160.jpeg 1140w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /><figcaption id="caption-attachment-111" class="wp-caption-text">The peace of dreaming</figcaption></figure>
<p>antastically.  My job is thriving, business is great in other areas and personally I am now going to set what I want to achieve for myself.   I think the once goal I didn&#8217;t achieve last year I will most definitely do this year, and that is to get my little caravan, so we can go on quick trips whenever we can.</p><p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2018/03/10/2018-goals-i-am-late/">2018 GOALS !!! I AM LATE !!!</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
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		<title>LETS HAVE A LAUGH</title>
		<link>https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/12/06/lets-have-a-laugh/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[dwadmin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 06 Dec 2017 03:52:37 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/?p=99</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>So my blogs always seem to be quiet heavy and full of drama, I mean realistically that is my life. And at some point, I wish I had the confidence to Vlog it rather than write it, but it is a little to dramatic sometimes to be honest. But I do have a lot of [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/12/06/lets-have-a-laugh/">LETS HAVE A LAUGH</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So my blogs always seem to be quiet heavy and full of drama, I mean realistically that is my life. And at some point, I wish I had the confidence to Vlog it rather than write it, but it is a little to dramatic sometimes to be honest.</p>
<p>But I do have a lot of humor in my life, or else I wouldn’t be able to make it through the hard days.  My son master 10 can make me smile although he is hard work sometimes lately he has been a bit of a comedian, and I got to spend some one on one with him this weekend for the first time in ages, and with his niece and sister who he does usually clash with.  He talks all the time, drives me insane but really, he has the most awesome sense of humor.  But can’t say I was impressed when he couldn’t stop laughing after I had stubbed me toe on a concrete pillar.  But he is the one who will make me smile at my hardest day, he is the one who gives me a hug when I am shedding my tears.  Last night I said I was tired and I was down talking with the older of his sisters and he came down and said, ‘mum come on, I have made you a bed on the couch so you can have a rest’, was so sweet, but typical of him.<img loading="lazy" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-102 colorbox-99" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pexels-photo-12211-300x145.jpeg" alt="" width="300" height="145" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pexels-photo-12211-300x145.jpeg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pexels-photo-12211-768x371.jpeg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pexels-photo-12211-1024x494.jpeg 1024w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pexels-photo-12211.jpeg 1140w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /></p>
<p>My little granddaughter also the funniest she is talking at two and she is hilarious, says the cutest stuff all the time, I could have her around all the time, she is a pure joy, of course grandchild 3yrs who lives a long way away also puts a smile on the dial without a doubt, but I don’t get to see her hardly at all, but facetime is a great thing and as soon as she appears, it is happiness all around.</p>
<p>And my work place is my solid safe place where I can have a good giggle albeit at the expense of others sometimes lol, we still have most days that we can have some fun whilst we are working.  I have some fantastic people in my life that out way the bad stuff as much as it can.  After the last two years I am determined 2018 is going to be my year, to put some good times in place, time to stop the bad and bring on the good.  I am looking forward to the end of this year and going forward for next year.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p><p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/12/06/lets-have-a-laugh/">LETS HAVE A LAUGH</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
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		<title>LET ME OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER</title>
		<link>https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/11/26/let-me-off-this-rollercoaster/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[dwadmin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 26 Nov 2017 08:55:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[The Hardstuff]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/?p=88</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>So this is the last 6 weeks of my life and quite frankly I have had enough and wonder when this shit will end.   A brief low down, so firstly had to go to Rotorua for my granddaughter birthday knowing we were moving house the day after we returned, crazy but I love her to [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/11/26/let-me-off-this-rollercoaster/">LET ME OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So this is the last 6 weeks of my life and quite frankly I have had enough and wonder when this shit will end.   A brief low down, so firstly had to go to Rotorua for my granddaughter birthday knowing we were moving house the day after we returned, crazy but I love her to pieces miss her and had to make it work.  The reason you will see in previous posts for the move is my mother evicted me and my two boys and the grandchildren I raise because I would not abide by her rules, (basically I was 12 all over again), she took all the money I put into her house and denied it was paid in.  Moving day came and the stupid movers took 10 hours just to load the dam truck it was the most pain staking time of my life, I am used to just getting on with shit and packing and moving shit myself, but since I have had an issue with my heart I am not as strong as I used to be and that pisses me off no end.  So we had to watch these arseholes move my shit like snails.  We finally got in but we were a whole day behind and that was even more of a piss off.</p>
<p>The next weekend a good friend was coming to town and we were going to have a BBQ, I  was so looking forward to it, our last two visits we have had a great time catching, but no the curse hits again and I got sick, tried to deny for the whole day, even sitting shivering with a 40degree temp and making out I was all good, lol.  But no end up in hospital twice in one weekend once to be told it was nothing really, take these antibiotics you will be good, but the next day the tell me they don’t know what is wrong with me.   BBQ was cancelled totally gutted.  The following weekend a good thing happened my son and partner and baby came for a surprise visit, just what I needed, great weekend with family.</p>
<p>But two days later I get a phone call from people I gave a business too that had to just pay some bills to make it theirs , rather than pay me the full amount wanted for business, was trying to give them an opportunity.  They call me to say they are giving me 30 days’ notice and then they will not be paying the debt, but they are still taking the business to another location, what the hell!! I did something for these people that no one else would do, I gave them a chance to live the dream and they are trying to repay me by shitting all over me.  Well I am hoping I can recoup this and all emails that agree to terms can be used to enforce this action. <img loading="lazy" class="wp-image-97 alignright colorbox-88" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/rain-2362871_1280-300x143.jpg" alt="" width="485" height="231" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/rain-2362871_1280-300x143.jpg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/rain-2362871_1280-768x365.jpg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/rain-2362871_1280-1024x486.jpg 1024w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/rain-2362871_1280.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 485px) 100vw, 485px" /></p>
<p>And today I find the daughter that left her children with us to raise for over a year is making the same noises again and has hooked up with another druggie and has been lying about being with him, taking her children to hang out with him and then introducing my boys to him.  I am utterly guttered with this whole month and I am not sure where the end is, but I am tired of it, then…..to top it off my sons teacher rings to say he is out of control at school and just not listening. They suspend him for 4 days, omg what the heck drove this.  I am stunned in all of my children’s faults never have they at this age been suspended, and refusing to listen to the teacher is totally out of the world, who the hell does that.  Let me the hell off this roller coaster right now, I have had enough I was not that bad as a teenager I didn’t give my parents a hard time I was pretty tame really.  But it appears yet again I am getting tested.  How many times in your life do you feel like the bad will never end, that you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have worked super hard the last 13 years to keep a positive head on my shoulders, to rise above everything as much as I can.  But there comes a time when this is impossible to do, and I just have to allow myself to feel defeated.  But just for a day, because being positive is hard work and so so tiring. I would not get through some of my days if it wasn’t for the support of people around me, work colleagues and friends alike.  Always make sure there is someone there for you and your alies could be in the most unlikely source but there is always someone there to offer support.  I have never thought I need it but as I look back I know that I have always had someone there in the background supporting me, whether it is just to listen to me moan or to actual help do something to make my day.  They are there,  this is important because it is so easy to let go and succumb to the struggle in your life</p><p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/11/26/let-me-off-this-rollercoaster/">LET ME OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
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		<title>Blindsided and Hurt By My Mother</title>
		<link>https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/10/11/blindsided-and-hurt-by-my-mother/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[dwadmin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 11 Oct 2017 04:22:53 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[The Hardstuff]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/?p=78</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>I am a gluton for punishment or someone said to me the other day, I must have been very bad in my past life, because all that happens to me has no other possible answer.  I often think I am doing the right thing, then I realise only too late that I am most definitely [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/10/11/blindsided-and-hurt-by-my-mother/">Blindsided and Hurt By My Mother</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I am a gluton for punishment or someone said to me the other day, I must have been very bad in my past life, because all that happens to me has no other possible answer.  I often think I am doing the right thing, then I realise only too late that I am most definitely on another wrong path.  The last few days have been full of heartache and pain, hopelessness and anger.  Trying to figure out how to find the best way to deal with a situation that involves very small children is the hardest thing to do with so many involved.  You will see me talk a lot about my relationship with my mother that is in fact completely hopeless and at this time unsalvageable.  After moving to our new house that was supposed to be a start for our future things are worse than ever.  I have shed so many tears over this, over the fact that my mother has yet again hurt me and evicted me with my children in tow, because I would not abide by her rules.  Now I am 46 years old and have been on my own for some time you know, so I am not going to live by my mother’s rules, most definitely when we actually reside in separate homes, me upstairs and her down.  Totally ludicrous, yes there is a level of respect, and give and take, but now when every movement is dissected and order.</p>
<p>So I challenged her on this, and she fought back the forced my eviction.  Here is the hard bit though, (because quite frankly I have been blocked by her before in my darkest hour of need) the grandchildren I have in my care, sleep down in her apartment as mine was not big enough, I feed them and they hang out, but she has taken it upon herself to run their lives, and no matter how much me and their mother have tried to take them into our care, she has used their emotional needs to her benefit.  You see she has managed to have a little four year old boy so confused as to who she is to him, that he is dependent on her and no matter how much we fight to get him she has managed to what I call brainwash him so he does not trust anyone.  For his own emotional well-being I have left him to be cared for beside me by her, as our family is mad crazy and the poor guy was so little in the beginning he was getting lost in the midst.  Problem now is that my mother is doing her best to hold onto this kid who is now ready to shine with the rest, and over the weekend she locked the two little ones into her apartment, now some of you may ask how come I did not do something, well I wanted to trust me, but what is the best thing to do?  I pleaded with her to let them out, she pretended she couldn’t hear me, and I heard her whispering to them, once she finally had to open the door as I threatened the police, they ran past her to me, and hugged me.  She then abused me for forcing her to open the door.  Two days earlier she had been arguing at their mother again and I pulled up to them screaming out the door into my truck, and crying, (they never do this), she of course saw nothing wrong in this.</p>
<p>You may ask why I am still there, well these kids have been through a lot and this is like the fourth time they have to move namely due to this woman again, and I could go to somewhere temporary and I have seriously considered it, but I am so torn, to what will damage them more.  And hoping to hell my mother will relax until we go, but she is a lady that needs drama. Everyday there is something, and as she has stood in front of me and declared her hate for me in front of all of my children I have to get strong and cut my ties from her as her words cut deep and I have realized that nothing I will ever do will make her proud of me, or be thankful that I am her daughter nothing.  For now, I stand alone with my children at my side and hope that soon things will come good for us all</p><p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/10/11/blindsided-and-hurt-by-my-mother/">Blindsided and Hurt By My Mother</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
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		<title>WE ARE MOVING HOUSE AGAIN!</title>
		<link>https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/26/we-are-moving-house-again/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[dwadmin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Sep 2017 10:00:29 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Hardstuff]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/?p=70</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>So not the best timing I have to say but as you may see from previous blogs, this has been out of my control.  Not the best timing but we are all looking on the bright side in the hope that this next move will be it for a while a long while and we [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/26/we-are-moving-house-again/">WE ARE MOVING HOUSE AGAIN!</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So not the best timing I have to say but as you may see from previous blogs, this has been out of my control.  Not the best timing but we are all looking on the bright side in the hope that this next move will be it for a while a long while and we all get some stability and enjoy a great summer.</p>
<p>But because this is happening and I have just launched this blog it means that moving and working has taken the lead to doing this.  Which grinds my gears as I have been so passionate about doing this for so long and been nagging my web developer to get it done, as well as of course being nervous to start it, I have been holding back.  But after watching the movie <strong><em>The C Word</em></strong> last night where the lady blogged about her journey with Cancer (not at all the same thing by any means not at all, no comparison) what I am saying is that she blogged for her as her outlet to get her through the hard days, a way to express and get it off her chest, it was always the good bad and the ugly.  With watching that at 1.30am in the morning and not being able to sleep I got two things out of watching it.  Number one – I am eternally grateful that all of my family and myself are at this time free from any major illness and be grateful for the life we have.  Number two – the blog doesn’t have to be all hearts and flowers, that I wanted to do this to share my story, to help other mothers here may relate to any of the situations I have been in and through and still do to this day, and this may help them to not feel alone, or may give them the ability to reach out and talk if they want to.  I hope you can all understand why I am not public doing this just yet, as I have mentioned we are a big family and some topics are still too exposing for some.  But please be reassured these stories are all true and correct, this is our lives, and sometimes it may seem unreal but it the reality for us all. <img loading="lazy" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-72 colorbox-70" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/boxes-2624231_640-292x300.jpg" alt="" width="292" height="300" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/boxes-2624231_640-292x300.jpg 292w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/boxes-2624231_640.jpg 623w" sizes="(max-width: 292px) 100vw, 292px" /></p>
<p>So with that being said I have decided that no matter what I will do my best to give you a blog everyday, and on top of that there will be feature articles about things I want to share.  Message me anytime, about any thing.  Meantime, I have to get back to my packing, work, preparing to go to see my granddaughter in 4 days for her birthday 8hours away then head back the next day to move our house.  The mere thought of this all makes me exhausted.  And right now, after having a big fat 0 sleep I am doing my best to keep my eyes open, this I have to say is the biggest mission ever, I mean you know I could be ok with it if had have been a reason worthwhile like, getting on the piss for the night or something.  But noooo this is all because my brain refused to shut down last night, no matter how hard I tried to relax my mind to sleep in peace, I just could not get it together.  Now I am on the hunt for some matchsticks lol.  And as I look around at what is to be packed I am doubly exhausted.  I have no idea how I am going to get through the next few it seems like there is so much to do.  But I need to dig down deep and get this moving.  Once I am settled I will be blogging I am aiming for everyday with all my thoughts and journeys good, bad and ugly, I will try to share with you what I have learnt in dealing with issues that we all have.  But I will be here to share.</p><p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/26/we-are-moving-house-again/">WE ARE MOVING HOUSE AGAIN!</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
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		<title>Precious One on One Time</title>
		<link>https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/19/precious-one-on-one-time/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[dwadmin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 19 Sep 2017 07:38:20 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Kids]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/?p=63</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>As you will get to know, I work a lot and frequently forget some key events at my kids school.  This time was no exception &#8211; crazy hair day it was, my kids do always remind me of this stuff, and I always say, ‘yes I know, you don’t need to remind me I’m on [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/19/precious-one-on-one-time/">Precious One on One Time</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>As you will get to know, I work a lot and frequently forget some key events at my kids school.  This time was no exception &#8211; crazy hair day it was, my kids do always remind me of this stuff, and I always say, ‘yes I know, you don’t need to remind me I’m on it’.  But they know me too well, and I am not on it –eeeever.  The day before comes and my boy says to me ‘mum we have to get the hairspray for crazy hair day’- after we arrive home, me thinking for the day.  ‘Oh crap’, I say to myself, but to him “yes I know we were just going to head to the shop”, (did not want to yet again let my son know I still needed a reminder) we jump in the car and head off, my eldest daughter yelling at me to get loom bands for my granddaughter to put in a million plaits, just like I used to do with her.  Hmmm, not sure there is much time for that, but hey we will give it a go.  That brought me to my memories of when I did used to have time for my me for my kids; I would plait the girls hair into a million tiny plaits, as a regular in the evening.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p><img loading="lazy" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-64 colorbox-63" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-386025-300x200.jpeg" alt="" width="300" height="200" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-386025-300x200.jpeg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-386025-768x512.jpeg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/pexels-photo-386025-1024x683.jpeg 1024w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /></p>
<p>These were the things we had time for.  I don’t do much for my boys very rarely.  So me and master 8 were on a mission, and let’s just say our selection of places is very very limited, (small town remember), the two dollar shop – had the loom bands but absolutely sold out of everything else – ‘rats’.  Off to the pharmacy, head to the hair dye section, lady says – ‘sorry we have just soldout of nearly all of the hair dyes, just a minute ago, we only have the black spray and orange chalk.  Oh god, rats again, &#8211; my son ‘we will have to go into town mum’.  No we won’t I am thinking to myself, it is 30 mins away it’s already 4pm, um no that is not going to happen.  “no mate we can make do with this, black and orange colours will be fine, ok.’ “oh na that won’t look good at all”,  ‘I promise it will son, come on’.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Back home dinner is cooked, then straight away eldest daughter is nagging me to plait miss 5yrs olds hair.  I am not doing it now I have to tidy up after dinner and then dishes, later will do.  She leaves in a huff, and then miss 5 disappears down to her room, fail on this already.   I am then sitting at my dining table starting to do my work, when master 8 comes along with the bag of loom bands.  Mum can we do these please can we make a bracelet.  ‘No go away I am busy’ (my usual response), ‘please mum can we’?  He starts to play with them and quickly becomes puzzled to how to proceed, I then have to help, he is standing right beside me, (maybe a ploy on his part hmm) and find myself making this bracelet that continues to grow, not getting much work done now, this is addictive.  What the heck, not much work happening, but my son is happy is sitting beside me having watched how I did it, he is making his own little bracelet, ring, and other bits and pieces.  He then puts them on me and says they are for you mummy.  I love this little boy and have found myself so busy most of the time I am growling at him and not enjoying my time with him for the sake of work.  This very simple thing that we just spent time together doing has made him happy.   Something has to change, I know this, but it’s the how without sacrificing their needs that I do do it.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>Moral of my post today is, my son only wants a bit of my time, which by the end of the day I struggle to give.  But the time he is growing and not getting my time then this is affecting him and will continue to.  Time for changes is coming, how I execute this I do not know.  But I need to and I will.  Spend time with your kids, love them and enjoy them.  My boys are on such a different r</p>
<p>ide to my older three children, who enjoyed the riches of life from, stylish home and bedrooms, trips away and overseas.  They wanted for nothing, and of course for that time their father that provided that ability to have that lifestyle.  My boys they have me, and in order to give them what they need it means working.  But really does it have to be that way.  I often think lately I would be happy living in a bus with my kids with the riches of the lan</p>
<p>d around us, rather than the material things I am so very guilty of providing for them in order to be able to work.  Simple things are best, they do not need anything else to be happy, and you.  Saturday night a few nights later was just me and master 8 year as  master 10 was at his uncles house.  Sitting on the couch watching You Tube or mo</p>
<p><img loading="lazy" class=" wp-image-66 alignright colorbox-63" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/smilies-bank-sit-rest-160739-300x145.jpeg" alt="" width="339" height="164" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/smilies-bank-sit-rest-160739-300x145.jpeg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/smilies-bank-sit-rest-160739-768x371.jpeg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/smilies-bank-sit-rest-160739-1024x494.jpeg 1024w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/smilies-bank-sit-rest-160739.jpeg 1140w" sizes="(max-width: 339px) 100vw, 339px" /></p>
<p>vies him snuggled in his blanket and he was happy, it was just us with our time.   Time is precious and you never know what is just around the corner I am making a plan to make a change.   What do you think?</p><p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/19/precious-one-on-one-time/">Precious One on One Time</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
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		<title>Me Time Escape Never Happens</title>
		<link>https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/03/me-time-escape-never-happens/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[dwadmin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 03 Sep 2017 10:27:10 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Kids]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/?p=58</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>You know how you dream of time to yourself, taking a relaxing bath with the candles around you.  For a long time we lived in a house with no bath, so of course I always dreamed of this.  Now we have moved to a house with a bath, 3 months later and I still struggle [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/03/me-time-escape-never-happens/">Me Time Escape Never Happens</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You know how you dream of time to yourself, taking a relaxing bath with the candles around you.  For a long time we lived in a house with no bath, so of course I always dreamed of this.  Now we have moved to a house with a bath, 3 months later and I still struggle to get even close to using it.  Mainly because I know that without a doubt as soon as I dip my toe in the thing, my children will start hunting for me.  I will hear the cry’s of Mum, Mum, where are you, Mum, then panic will set into their voices.  They will run to the window where they will search for my car.  Then it will just be matter of time till they burst through the door.</p>
<p><img loading="lazy" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-59 colorbox-58" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bath-300x145.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="145" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bath-300x145.jpg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bath-768x371.jpg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bath-1024x494.jpg 1024w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bath.jpg 1140w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />This one day, has been a long day, very long day.  Do I chance the bath?  I ponder this for some time, in fact for a good couple of hours.  The boys have been into their Ipods all day battling on #Minecraft or whatever it is they do on there.</p>
<p>I feel my chance is now, today, take the leap.</p>
<p>I start to run the bath and they still haven’t surfaced – omg this could be my night.</p>
<p>The bath continues to run, I get excited to actually relax in a bath, can’t remember the last time I did that.  I get my pjs ready for after the bath.  I am about to step in there when master 8 says ‘what are you doing’?</p>
<p>Oh crap I was busted, what to do what to do.  I decide to try to reason with him.</p>
<p>‘Well I am going to have a bath’,…before I even finish he starts…’ooh yay can I have one’?</p>
<p>‘No you can’t this is my turn, please if you let me just do this then that would be great for me’.</p>
<p><img loading="lazy" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-60 colorbox-58" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bath2-300x145.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="145" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bath2-300x145.jpg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bath2-768x371.jpg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bath2-1024x494.jpg 1024w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/bath2.jpg 1140w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />‘Ok’, he says.  That was so easy, I am so surprised.</p>
<p>I proceed to the bath to enjoy some me time, sadly though no candles or relaxing oils, maybe next time.</p>
<p>Lying in the bath, I feel anxious, can’t relax sitting feeling exposed and waiting for that child to spring through the door.  This is so not what I was wanting to achieve.</p>
<p>And with no candles or drink it hand it is not the relaxing exercise it was meant to be.  I jump out bitterly disappointed, wondering when the time will come for me.  For some relaxation and space from the day to day running of my household.</p>
<p>Do you get time to chillax and have you time?</p><p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/03/me-time-escape-never-happens/">Me Time Escape Never Happens</a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
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		<title>Paper Back or Ebook </title>
		<link>https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/03/paper-back-or-ebook/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[dwadmin]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 03 Sep 2017 10:24:30 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/?p=54</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>I have since a young child been very passionate about reading.  I would read for hours at a time, I absolutely love, love, love this past time.  A book a week as I got older, I just immersed myself in the story.   I had a dream that in my home I would have a library [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/03/paper-back-or-ebook/">Paper Back or Ebook </a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img loading="lazy" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-55 colorbox-54" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/books-300x169.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="169" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/books-300x169.jpg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/books.jpg 706w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />I have since a young child been very passionate about reading.  I would read for hours at a time, I absolutely love, love, love this past time.  A book a week as I got older, I just immersed myself in the story.   I had a dream that in my home I would have a library with a big comfy chair in a sunny spot of my house, and when I retired I would sit and read.  I started to collect books over the years ready for this time to come.  At one point I had 500 and I loved all of them, none of them read.  All waiting for the day I would be able to enjoy the reads, relaxing in my comfy space.  But as you know things changed, the marriage ended, the houses got sold, and all of a sudden I was a nomad with no real fixed abode and three kids.  We rented now and you moved around a bit with this so was hard to keep moving about with all of our belongings.  I had my books packed in a ton of boxes, and I lugged these everywhere we moved.  She was hard work I can tell you but I was determined to keep them after all I had a dream and I was determined that at least I would keep this part of my dream, I loved these books.</p>
<p>Then I met someone and we moved in together, with all of our worldly goods.  Including my precious books, yay I could unpack them at last.—wrong, wrong, wrong.  The relationship was a disaster from beginning to end, money wise, partner wise, it was violent and controlling, I could not escape it as much as I wanted too.  Over time money was stretched, and my partner made me start to get rid of my books, I had to sell them, to move them on.  Firstly because I loved them he did not want me to have them, secondly he was sick of moving them and then pure control over me.  So I started to sell them, it broke my heart. I tried to keep some back the special ones.  I kept telling myself in the scheme of things that these were not important.</p>
<p><img loading="lazy" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-56 colorbox-54" src="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/booklav-300x145.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="145" srcset="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/booklav-300x145.jpg 300w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/booklav-768x371.jpg 768w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/booklav-1024x494.jpg 1024w, https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/booklav.jpg 1140w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" />Later after a big argument the remainder of the books I had kept he burnt to teach me a lesson, along with all of my kids baby pics, wedding album. Everything precious to me went up in smoke.  I was devastated, lost and angry.</p>
<p>Years later after the relationship is finally at an end, I started to slowly rebuild my collection again.  I still only now have only a few, and I walk by the book store and I stop to pick up a book and feel it.  The thing that saddens me the most was that nearly all of the books I had you cannot buy now, that they have been over taken by electronics, and Ereaders.  As much as these ereaders are convenient but they cannot ever replace the good old fashioned feel and smell of that paperback book, and the sense of achievement as you read your way through the pages and the excitement as you see the end coming by how far through the book you have read.  Although since I have been a single mother I rarely have time to pick up a book now (another thing that saddens me, this mainly as when I start to read I cannot put a good book down, and reading till 3am is not a good idea), but I miss it dearly, and still do have a book sitting beside my bed hoping that one night I will have the time to read it. How do you feel?  Do you think the electronic readers are better, or are you like me a prefer the feel of a book.</p><p>The post <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz/2017/09/03/paper-back-or-ebook/">Paper Back or Ebook </a> first appeared on <a href="https://myjourneymyride.co.nz">My Journey My Ride</a>.</p>]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
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